I like to think of myself as a rational person.
I’m open to new ideas and can discuss just about anything, but I expect people to remain civil. Arguing your side using logic is a bit like the scientific method: it may be imperfect, but it’s the best tool we have.
We can’t just work off the premise that everyone’s opinion is equally valid, or that the truth is always somewhere in between… feelings don’t count as reasonable arguments because the world can’t cater to everyone’s feelings. Otherwise, Nazi ideology would be as valid as any other.
And being offended or having your feelings hurt doesn’t automatically make you right. Not without a rational argument to back it up.
So… when the issue of gay marriage comes up, I have little patience for religious arguments. If you think gay marriage is wrong, I think, then don’t get married to someone of the same sex. But don’t force your ideology on everybody else.
There are a lot of arguments about whether homosexuals are born or made, but I’ve never understood the point in these discussions. Conversion therapy doesn’t work and why would we need it to? Whatever two consenting adults do in their own time should be nobody’s business. I’d much rather gay people pair off into stable, committed relationships than be involved in the bathhouse culture anyway.
It frustrates me when people want to make things illegal just because the idea makes them uncomfortable. You can’t force your individual tastes or ethics on other people.
I mean, some people actually fetishize having pies thrown in their face. I don’t get the allure, but don’t think it should be illegal. No one’s getting hurt here.
So… considering myself the kind of person who is above knee-jerk emotional reactions, I’m having lots of trouble reconciling my attitudes toward polyamory.
This polyamory argument is being made: if a group of people want to make a commitment to each other and marry multiple people, why should it be illegal?
Wow, that’s a tough one.
The idea really tests my self-perception of tolerance, because the same logical reasons I believe we should allow gay marriage also apply to polyamory:
- Everyone involved is an adult
- Everyone consents
- No one is getting hurt, and
- Even though I wouldn’t do it, it may work for someone else
Except I really, really don’t want polyamory to go mainstream.
I think it’s an unstable situation that’s gross. I think it creates a weird psychological environment for kids and confusion about family roles.
And yet, these are the same reasons I object to when they’re used against gay marriage.
Am I a hypocrite?
I don’t know.
I just know the very idea makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Maybe because polyamory usually involves multiple wives with one husband, so it feels like women would get the short end of the stick. Would kids get enough attention from their fathers if the father had a ton of kids? Would the “favored” wife’s kids get most of the attention?
And how should you feel about staying faithful to a man who isn’t faithful to you? I couldn’t stand it.
If there are multiple husbands, then how do we know which one is the father? What happens to children who bond with caregivers who could suddenly disappear?
As much as I want to believe I’m open and tolerant to other perspectives, I’m having a really hard time reconciling how differently I feel about gay marriage and polyamory. Maybe we all have these limits.
What do you think?